it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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