did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
