so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
