He is like the real live version of the state fair..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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