C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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