you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
