I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
