you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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