jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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