Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
