He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
