Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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