I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize