dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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