Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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