R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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