i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
