My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I want to make a zoo with you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize