Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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