On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
