No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
