dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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