im about as happy as oj after his trial
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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