I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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