How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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