If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
