i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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