the condom got lost in my hair
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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