In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
