just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
