your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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