so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
im on a boat
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