and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
