You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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