I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
