I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I could make wine with my vomit
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am available for nakedness
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
