i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
NoShamevember. You game?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
