Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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