one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im holly from the hills drunk
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
