You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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