I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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