is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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