I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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