After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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