i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
