how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
