Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
