I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
