I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
