Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
