He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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