Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
