I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
