I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
