I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
As shirtless as possible
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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