So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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