I hate your face
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
