Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
