They should really pass out barf bags in church
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize