I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
