Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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