WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize