just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
