I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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