What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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