Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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