Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
