So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
