He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
