dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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