Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
