I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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