Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The ass gains better be worth it
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
