I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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