so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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