I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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