all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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