So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
