you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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