My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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