My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
