I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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