If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
