I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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