if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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