I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
