is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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