Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
