dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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