Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
