Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
