i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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