dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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