pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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