Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
