could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
