Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
