Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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