awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
