But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
well I can't set my house on fire every night
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
