When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
vagina is talking i cant
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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