Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
