you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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