y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
