at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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