I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can tuck mytits in my pants
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
