Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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