Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
