look no pants
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
