do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
