Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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