Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
