Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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