My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
