I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
