Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
